I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
