Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
