Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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