I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
