She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
