so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
