i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My balls are so social today.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
