I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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