:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
