i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
