Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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