those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
