think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
A+ Viking dick
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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