i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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