That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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