i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
