He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
