I didn't shave. On purpose
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
