come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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