Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
