We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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