He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
