Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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