i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
