Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
