Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't put those talents on a resume
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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