Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i came on her dog
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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