I cannot find my penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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