He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm always down for nudity.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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