Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is wine microwaveable?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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