i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
