Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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