P.S. I can't hear my feet
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
