It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
