he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
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