Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
