Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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