Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
