and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
