Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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