that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
