so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
