Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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