Jerry, you need to find god
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am available for nakedness
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
