I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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