We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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