so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
