he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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