FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
