We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
