apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
