I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
