Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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