My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
