Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
