You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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