Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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