Apparently you make a good broom.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
