I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
