As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
