It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
