we have pet lesbian snakes
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
