Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize