dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
