whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
