My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
