I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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