I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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