We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
